It is a Dog Life!

I AM a dog. Well, at least according to the Chinese zodiac I am. And according to an article I recently stumbled across on the Internet, people born in the Year of the Dog “possess the best traits of human nature.”

I’m inclined to agree with this gross generalization. But then, I’m inclined to agree with anything that depicts me in a positive, glowing manner. Like all good dog people, I have a deep sense of loyalty. I am also honest and inspire other people’s confidence because I know how to keep secrets. Unlike rat, snake and monkey people, I suspect.

But ... and there’s always a but ... “dog people are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric.”

If these are some of “the best traits of human nature”, I hate to imagine what traits non-dog people possess.

But there’s more. “They (dog people) care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues.”

I don’t know about you, but I feel there’s something wrong with that last paragraph. It’s as if the author is saying that dog people come by their money in a suspicious way. And if I’m cold emotionally, what would I be doing at a party? Cold people don’t go to parties. They like to stay at home and play games like “Revenge of the Killer Dog” on their computers.

Although I normally don’t find fault with anything or anyone (don’t forget I’m honest), I don’t have anything good to say about the writer of that article. As for having a sharp tongue, I only reserve that for really irritating people, like most Malaysian drivers, pushy shop assistants, people who look at me in an odd way, women who wear strong perfume, and people who walk slowly in front of me in crowded shopping malls. Oh yes, and the designers of shopping malls. Other than that, I’m probably the sweetest, most amiable person you’re ever likely to meet.

The zodiac article does redeem itself when it concludes by saying that dog people make good leaders. But then again, perhaps an emotionally cold leader isn’t such a good thing. As far as I know, Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini were all cold leaders. And they didn’t get up to much good.

It also seems that I am compatible with people in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit. Of the few friends I do have (due to my emotional coldness) none were born under these zodiac signs. Indeed, if the zodiac article is correct, I have aligned myself with a bunch of eccentric, bad-tempered loners. Not exactly the sort of people you want to have around you at a party.

I’m not even all that compatible with my children. My son is a snake person and my daughter is a pig person. Interestingly enough, people born in the same year as my son “never have to worry about money; they are financially fortunate.” He’s obviously benefiting from all the money I seem to have. Or maybe it’s because he’s memorised my credit card numbers.

My daughter, on the other hand, in true pig-like fashion, is kind to her loved ones and very loyal. When I’m old, I’d much rather have a kind, loyal pig taking care of me than a snake. Besides, the zodiac article asserts that snake people are usually good-looking and sometimes have marital problems because they are fickle. Maybe good-looking people can afford to be fickle with their partners because they know that it’s relatively easy to attract another mate if their marriage fails. I certainly don’t want to be stuck in the same house as a disgruntled daughter-in-law during my twilight years.

Dogs are also not all that compatible with people born in the Year of the Rat. Typically, rat people are charming and highly attractive to the opposite sex. But they are stingy. They are also quick-tempered and love to gossip. But all is not lost for people contemplating having a baby during this coming Year of the Rat, because rat people are said to “work hard to achieve their goals, acquire possessions, and are likely to be perfectionists. Their ambitions are big, and they are usually very successful.”

In short, children born this coming year will likely grow up to have fabulous careers and every luxury money can buy, but they won’t share it with anyone.

I think I’ll stick with the pigs.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

by MARY SCHNEIDER

Cheers!
Dorothy
www.DogMillion.com